


Back to Life

by nahm



Category: Throne of Glass Series - Sarah J. Maas
Genre: And got what she deserves, Best Friends, Bisexual Fenrys, Character Death, Connall Is A Ass, Everyone Needs A Hug, Fenrys deserves better, Future Ficlet, Gay Characters, Homophobia, KOA aftermath, Loss of a twin, Meave is a Bitch, PTSD, Part 1, Spoilers, Torture, Violence, he gives no fucks, might be a series
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-27
Updated: 2018-11-27
Packaged: 2019-09-01 11:19:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,197
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16764115
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nahm/pseuds/nahm
Summary: The first few weeks after the coronation are hard, so hard that Fenrys spends more time as wolf than a man. Aelin is there and understands. She’s the light guiding him back home.





	Back to Life

**Author's Note:**

> Fenrys deserves so much better and I feel for our little wolf. This ficlet takes place during Aelin’s torture and after the final battle and the coronation.

Grief lay heavy on his coat, threatening to drag him under into the abyss, where he knew his power would forever remain, trapped with the brother he’d lost, the brother he’d failed. Fenrys could do nothing but watch as the queen, his queen, lay exposed and bleeding on the table, her screams echoing through his soul. 

He desperately wanted to do something, anything, to help the woman he’d come to care for. He could do nothing but sit and watch, his paws itching to leap, to defend the queen that was promised. 

“I’m surprised,” Carin’s leather voice slithered through his mind, more powerful than the screams, the begging. “Aelin, heir or fire, the queen who was promised,” A chuckle. “Bleeds just like anyone else, rich and delicious.” 

Aelin didn’t move from the table, tears running down her face, she’d gone to that place where nothing mattered, a part so deep in her soul Fenrys was afraid she might not return. “You’re going to break, girl.” He growled deep within himself, fighting, pushing against the curse. “And I’m going to enjoy every damn second of it.” 

Carin turned his attention to him, his eyes narrowing and dark. “It’s such a shame,” His fingers ran down the length of Aelin’s torso, stopping just below her naval. “Your loyal mutt couldn’t save the one person who was important.” His words struck true, causing his ears to flatten against his head. “Fenrys did all this, selling his soul to our queen, to protect the one person he failed.“ 

The dagger held between his fingers began to dig into her skin, blood starting to pool on her stomach. “And he’ll sell his soul to protect you no doubt, only to fail, watching as we break you.” Aelin’s pained screamed echoed through his body, causing him to whimper, to beg, for Carin to stop. 

Carin laughed as he dug the dagger in deeper, savouring every cry and beg. It was only when her stomach was unrecognizable that he laid the knife on the table beside her, calling for the healers. “Fix her, heal her, make her question everything, leave nothing.”

He swept out of the room as a group of healers come into the room, seemingly taking the oxygen with him. 

The healers took their time healing her, giving her whatever relief they could with whatever time they had, Fenrys could see from his spot against the wall how flawless her skin was becoming, each and every scar that had once lined her body was starting to disappear, leaving nothing but clear skin in its place. 

When they were finished, a small healer with mousy brown hair kneeled down in front of him, ignoring the warnings from her sisters. “To help with the grief,” He spoke in the old language, one he might have thought the humans would have forgotten. She dipped her fingers in a clear liquid in her hands, drawing a symbol across his forward. “It will pass, Wolf Warrior.” She smiles at him sadly, almost heart broken. “You need your strength for what’s to come.” 

Fenrys didn’t move, didn’t so much as blink, as the healer stood and scurried out of the room, he knew he most likely wouldn’t be seeing her again, Maeve made sure to never have the same healer twice. 

Aelin was finally coming to, her body moving as much as it could in her restraints. Fenrys blinked thrice, are you okay? A long moment passed before she blinked in return, easing some of the worry that clung to his fur. 

Three blinks in return are you okay? He wasn’t, in fact Fenrys wasn’t sure he’d ever be okay again, not with Connall’s death hanging over his head. He blinked twice in return, spelling his heart to stop hurting, to stop beating, so he might have some relief. 

I’m am here, I am with you. 

Fenrys wished it was it enough to stop the hurting in his heart. 

•••

“You’ll never guess what’s happened, brother!” Connall is the spite fire of the pair, the moon to Fenrys’ sun. He’s brash and hardheaded and thinks far to often for someone whose lived for centuries. His canines gleam in the light as he smiles at him, a boyish grin for whatever news he’s fighting to keep in. 

Fenrys matches his smirk, folding his arms cross his chest as he leans back in his chair. The male he‘s with stares at Connall as if trying to distinguish the difference between them, as if it were even a possibility that they’re anything but polar opposites. 

“I can only imagine,” He drawls, his eyes taking in his brother’s stance. He’s always been the more calm of them, their mother often referred Connall as a scholar and Fenrys his protector. There’s something almost deathly calm about the way he’s standing, almost warrior like. 

Connall shifts from either foot, exhilaration written on his face. He’s never known his twin to be this joyous over anything. It’s enough to make him lean forward, his eyes narrowing a little. Karma, the male he’d been pleasuring earlier, tries to wrap his arm around him waist only to have Fenrys shake him off.

“Connall, what did you do?” 

Fenrys can’t stand the look of pure predator that flashes over his brothers face, it was almost as if he’d sold his soul to the devil-

“You didn’t.” Fenrys is standing now, his hands clenched at his sides. “Dear gods, tell me you didn’t, Connall.”

Connall lips curl up in a devilish smirk, his dark hair framing his face. “I finally did it, Fenrys, I finally got something you didn’t.” He hates how luscious his voice sounds, he despises how much Connall is enjoying this. 

Fenrys can feel his wolf growling in the back of his head, demanding for him to take action, to put Connall in his place and to remind him where he stands in the pack. 

“You find this amusing?” He snapped, flashing his teeth. “You bloody sold your soul to a evil queen!” He wants so desperately to punch the smirk of his brothers face. “Why didn’t you think this through!”

“Oh but I have, brother, I’ll finally have the chance to get out of your shadow, to be a warrior of greatness. She’s offered me a place at her table, Fenrys, to be a legendary force in her army. I would be foolish to pass it up.” 

Fenrys stares at his twin, unable to believe anything he’s just said, this wasn’t something Connall would have normally spoken of, he’s calculating and cunning, to sell his soul to Maeve seems misplaced and forced. 

“You are foolish,” He growled back. “You have no idea what you’ve gotten yourself into or the hell you’ve boughten down to those around you.” If they’re mother hadn’t already passed, Fenrys was positive she was have died from the worry. 

Connall’s head cocks to one side, his eyes wide and searching. “I am not the foolish one, it is you who is foolish, strutting around with an arrogance far to large for you, offering your body up to anyone who will take it.” His gaze fell on the male half hidden behind Fenrys, disgust lighting his face. “You’d be so lucky.” Spinning on his heel, his brother turned and walked back into the fog, leaving an empty feeling in the pit of his stomach. 

“So..that’s your brother..” Kamra mutters from behind him, but Fenrys couldn’t hear anything over the loud best of his heart, for he knew what had to be done, what he had to do to save his brother. 

Even if it meant selling his soul for eternity. 

•••

Fenrys woke with tears on his face and his heart pounding in his chest. He could feel the power he’d once shared with Connall resting in his soul, begging to be used. 

Bragging a hand across his eyes, he pushed himself off the bed and out into the hall. The castle was mostly quiet, save for a few guards wondering the grounds, keeping an watchful eye on the slumbering citizens. They didn’t pay him any attention as he strode down the hallway toward the front doors. 

Fenrys needed some air, the stuffiness of the castle was to suffocating. It reminded him to much of a room with not enough light and the echoing screams of the queen of fire. He feet carried him through the grounds until he was sprinting, his legs turning to paws as he ran, the call of the wilding taking over. 

He ran until he couldn’t feel the air in his lungs anymore and the castle was a spec of light in the distance. He ran until the memory of Connall dying is nothing but a distant echo. Fenrys stops in a clearing surrounded by flowers and he plops down without much thought, allowing the different aromas to take over his senses. 

He isn’t sure how long he’s been gone but the sun is sitting high in the sky, his coat glistens with morning dew and he swears the forests comes to life around him. Aelin finds him huddled between the flowers, he’s practically hidden and Fenrys isn’t entirely sure how she found him, or why. 

“I come here too,” She says, looking around the clearing. “When things become to much, it’s peaceful.. quiet.” 

Fenrys can’t imagine Aelin wanting to escape the loving embrace of her mate but he knows just how bad those horrors were she endured. He’d been there, he’d witnessed every horrible thing Maeve had ordered to be done. 

He only nods his head in response, curling his tail around her as she settles down beside him, her fingers linking into his rough fur. “You don’t have to be okay, Fenrys.” Aelin whispers, her voice a sweet melody against the dark words jumping between his ears. 

Fenrys deserved to feel the pain in his heart. He’d failed to protect Connall, he was the reason he was dead. He should have done more, been better, maybe then his brother would still be with him. 

“Stop that.” Aelin mutters, as if reaching into his mind and pulling out his thoughts. “None of what happened was your fault. It was all her and her alone.” She scratches behind his ear, starting to calm his racing heart. 

“You did everything for Connall, his death is just as much his fault as it was hers. Don’t blame yourself for his undying loyalty, Fenrys, you were the best brother he could have asked for and you did everything in your power to protect and shield him.”

He wasn’t, not with the words Connall had tossed in his face. They keep replaying over and over in his head. “He hated me.” The change happened so quickly, Fenrys wasn’t sure he’d shifted back until the words came tumbling out of his mouth. “In the end it was all for nothing, he died hating me.” 

Aelin wrapped her arm around his shoulder, squeezing herself against him. “I don’t think he hated you, he was so blindly, so emotionally attached to her that he couldn’t see anything else, I believe he did love you, Fenrys, in his own twisted way.” 

Fenrys hummed quietly, leaning his head against his queen. “I miss him.” He missed Connall so much it was hard to sleep most days without seeing his face, it was hard to be alive while his twin was dead. 

“I know,” Aelin whispered, squeezing him. “You’re allowed to miss him, but don’t forget to live, to experience everything life has to offer, Fenrys, you deserve it.” 

Did he? With everything he’d done? 

“Besides I need you around, whose am I going to have silent conversations with?” 

“It is funny seeing Rowan strain to understand.”

Aelin’s laugh is a combination of honey and starlight. “You’re one of my best friends, Fenrys, and you mean a lot to me, so don’t be doing anything stupid, understand.” 

His lips turn up in a small grin as he chuckles in return. “I don’t think I’d have anywhere to go where you wouldn’t find me.” Not that he wanted to be anywhere else but here, with his queen and court. 

“Oh no, I would definitely find you and then kick your ass.”

Aelin rose from the flowers, offering her hand to help him stand, “I am here and I am with you.” Smiling Fenrys stood, giving her hand a small squeeze. “Besides whose going to teach your niece or nephew the joys of being fae?”

Niece or nephew? 

Fenrys laugh was joyous as he gathered Aelin in his arms and spun her in a hug. “You’re pregnant?!” He couldn’t keep the tears from swelling in his eyes or the happiness that radiated against his chest. 

“You’re one of the first to know, besides Rowan of course.” 

Fenrys set her down, holding her against his chest as warm glow flew through his body, heating him from his core. “I’m so happy for you.” 

“Me too, Fenrys, me too.” 

Fenrys may never truly forgive himself but if he could be around to protect the little bundle of joy growing inside Aelin, then it was a start and for now it was enough.


End file.
